5 Love Languages: How Well Do You Know Yourself?

Today, I was reviewing the 5 love languages with my therapy group that I lead and it helped me reflect on my own love language, as well as that of my loved ones. I’d like to share in this blog post what I did with my therapy group today and ask that you give it a try as well. It’s quick, but you may learn something new, so why not?

The 5 love languages are essentially what make us feel most loved, appreciated, cared for, and seen/heard. How well do you know yourself? How well do you know your loved ones?

1. Words of Affirmation: Positive, encouraging words that lift us up when we need it most.

2. Acts of Service: Completing tasks/chores that help us feel like we aren’t doing it all on our own.

3. Physical Touch: Hugs, kisses, holding hands, holding one another.

4. Quality Time: Time spent together with no disruptions or distractions.

5. Receiving Gifts: Gifts, big or small, that let us know that our loved ones were thinking of us.

I asked my therapy group to identify their primary love language and justify why that particular love language speaks volumes to them. For my own, I identified quality time as being my primary love language, with acts of service being a close second. I love spending time with those I care for and being able to step away from the crazy world for a while. I also love coming home to chores being done or having the occasional bath filled up and ready for me when I get home from a rough day. I feel rejuvenated when I’m reminded I’m not in this whole adulting thing alone.

For the second part of the therapy activity with my group, I asked them to identify what their family members’ love languages were. Now, I provide therapy to teens so they identified their parents and siblings, but feel free to identify your best friend’s or your partner’s love language. How strongly do you believe you guessed correctly? For my own partner, I guessed that his primary love language was quality time, followed closely by physical touch. When I came home from work today and shared this with him, the first thing he asked me was, “Why do you think my main love language is quality time?” I explained to him that I felt he mentions that most often and makes sure we make time for it. Well…

I am a therapist and incorrectly guessed my partner’s love language. He identified physical touch as his primary love language (I listed that as a close second, but still!). However, that’s why I wanted to share this experience in a post because how often do we make assumptions about what the other needs from us? How often are we genuinely having these conversations with our loved ones? Communication is one of the most important aspects to any relationship, whether that be with a family member, friend, teacher, co-worker, or a romantic partner, but we often make little assumptions that we justify in our own heads, resulting in mis-communication. I encourage you to have this conversation with your loved ones. Share your love language. Ask theirs. Be open to speaking another’s love language and recognizing your own as well.

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