I’ve always considered myself to be an emotional person. I feel everything very intensely, sometimes too much so. I can become so connected, so attached to something and find such meaning in it. For me, that has been (unhealthy) relationships, (unhealthy) friendships, and (unhealthy) jobs. I’d find myself feeling stuck in situations due to my passion for that situation, regardless of the emotional and mental impact on my well-being. Although, some attachments can be healthy and therapeutic in some ways. I found that connection in music.
As with most, I’ve struggled with depression and anxiety. To everyone, mental disorders look and feel different. For me, in my teens through mid 20s, depression looked like forcing myself to roll out of bed to get in the shower because I had neglected myself entirely for two days. During this time, I’d let depression consume me and have complete control over my life. I’d shut my loved ones out. I’d do the standard “fake it til you make it” at work and school, if I could get myself to attend. It was a low time in my life. However, I started listening to music and truly listening. I’d connect with the beat, the rhythm, the lyrics, the emotion in music. I began to connect in such a way that I found myself turning to music to cope… Cope with my heartache, my pain, my anger, my anxiety, my grief, my everything. I’d listen to music and just let myself cry, for what felt like hours (and it may have been). I’d search for songs that I felt I related to. I recall listening to songs that exhibited the same pain I was experiencing, because it made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
I’d become so connected to music during this time of my life that it feels as though songs became chapters of my story, a timeline of me. If I had to write my life chapter by chapter, I’d more easily do so through song titles. It’d feel like the most genuine way of telling my story. It has become the strongest coping skill of mine and that is why I wanted to share this experience. Find that one healthy coping skill, activity, experience, etc, that will keep you going even when it feels like you’ve lost all hope of it ever getting better. Music saved my life and continues to do so every day. I am thankful for my seemingly overly-emotional heart for letting music in when my mind was giving up on itself.
I’ve gathered a list below of songs that I felt I truly connected to during the worst of my depression (2013-2015) and wanted to share in hopes that it’ll help others. Here’s a snippet of my timeline. ✨❤️
Give Me Love – Ed Sheeran
And It’s Alright – Peter Broderick
Terrible Things – Mayday Parade
Heartbeats – Jose Gonzalez
Red Lights – Tiesto
Winter – Kina Grannis
Give It Time – Wrabel
Car Radio – Twenty One Pilots
I Found – Amber Run
This Is What It Feels Like – Armin van Buuren & Trevor Guthrie
Tragedy + Time – Rise Against
In The Dirt – S. Carey
To Build A Home – The Cinematic Orchestra
All I Want – Kodaline